You or me.

Let's see who is stronger.
     You or me.
Staring at this bricked wall counting.

There is nothing to wait for,
     No one to witness, after all
     no one can.
You have seen into me. You have taken
     away my own mind, riddled
          my body with your lies.
I have carried you through time,
     cradled and caressed you,
          clenched you hoping you would
               change.
You are still the filthy bastard you
     always were.
I hate you and I hate what you did to me.
I give you back all the tremors,
     fainting spells, shaking into tears
     falling, after five minutes
          dismantled, dronding in weighted
               sleep without function.
I give you back your "you will just get used to it."
You are not my blood anymore, you
     are not my tears, you are not my
          sweat, my hands, my neck, my
               back, my brain.
I stand here, clenching for the last
time.

Let's see who is stronger.
     You or me.
Staring at this bricked wall, counting.
     One,
          Two,

               You shattered so easily.


I am moving towards an empowered incarnation of myself.

It was you.

Clutching a pillow to my chest for safekeeping
Keeping safe heart center
Attacked by arrow words piercing
my confidence and exposing my shame.
What more can you blame me for?
Thank you for your honest lies, your sincere evasion, your blaming integrity.
I needed to be reminded of my victimization.
After all, the violation wasn't enough.
Am I the one who is pitiful?
Clutching a pillow to my chest for safekeeping,
keeping safe?
Am I the one who is weak?
Speaking with light blue light?
Cut into my left arm, stab through
the right side of my back, lock my
jaw, bind my feet.
My boundaries were not the problem.
It was you.

Let me tell you something.

Let me tell you something.
If a man was robbed at gunpoint, you wouldn't ask for details. You wouldn't wonder what he was wearing, what he did to lure the thief over to him, you wouldn't say he wanted to be robbed, you wouldn't condemn him for walking down that street at that time, you wouldn't condemn him for having money with him or wearing that watch.

Let me tell you something.
You would know that robber was a fucking thief and dangerous, and that's it. You wouldn't be worried about details because you know there are many ways to rob a person.

Let me tell you something.
The details don't fucking matter. I don't have to prove to you that violence was done to me. I don't have to measure it to your denial.

Let me tell you something.
You don't think every time I meet a man, I think about whether or not this guy could rape me? You don't think I'd like to know if a guy I was around was a sexual perpetrator? You don't think my safety is more important than your reputation?

Let me tell you something.
You completely told on yourself. You are sexist, you have blamed me for what is not my fault, and you are protecting your son from his own choices and consequences. Hypocrite, I thought you worked against oppression, not with it.

Let me tell you something.
You will not tell my story. You will not steal my voice.

Let me tell you something.
You are scared. I know you said you weren't, but let's be real. You are. 

Let me tell you something.
Your pause spoke mountains. You are not doing your own work. Your response has been a joke and completely inadequate. Don't pretend otherwise.

Let me tell you something.
This was not an isolated incident, but a chain of violations. You cannot do his work. You cannot control him. You don't know him better than he knows himself. You can't. You are writing his name on the jail cell.

Let me tell you something.
How dare you be angry at me for what you son has done. How dare you. How dare you think I set him back, that I interfered, as if I have done him or you some wrong. He made his choice. He continues to make his choices. Let's not forget who assaulted who.

Let me tell you something.
I am done with you.
Fuck you.


burning through anger to transformation