Something shifted.

We do not protect ourselves or others with lies or half-truths or silence. Only the truth frees us.

I did need a mother. But I needed my own mother.

I'm paying attention to who shows up. And who doesn't.

Something shifted.

Today the sun came out and I felt warmth. I had forgotten the feeling of warmth. I didn't realize I could forget that. But the sun came out and bore down to darken me back into who I am. And who I am not.

Why am I afraid to speak truth? I think I risk losing the lies we cling to. And I risk freedom.

She says if you need courage, do Virabhadrasana II. Warrior.

My mother came to visit me in Milwaukee for a week for my birthday. It was the best birthday present I could ask for. There were many gifts that she gave me. The gift of presence, of time, of conversation, relaxation, of a ton of really good food, chorizo, pavo, nacatamales, gallo pinto. Laughter, tears, the right values of spending time with people instead of going out to see stuff. That's invaluable. I am my mother's daughter.

I got out of the yogashala today and I didn't put my shoes back on. I walked barefoot for almost 3 years back in the day, but I started wearing shoes again when the heightened risk of hookworm scared me into disconnecting again from the ground that sustains me. The cold was unbearable to my skin, so the disconnection was sustained. Today I took off my shoes again. I had to pay attention to the ground. And walk without fear.

I sign my emails "Courage" because that's always what I think I need. I used to pray always for strength because that's what I thought I needed too. But I think I'm wrong. I don't need strength or courage. I think I'm good on those. There is something else that I don't even know I need. But once I know that I need it, I will no longer need it.

Freedom? Peace? Love for all people, all of creation? Healing?

I will still practice Virabhadrasana.