Truth.

"If you knew me,

And you knew yourself,

You would not have killed me."


from a documentary on the genocide in Rwanda.

And yet we continue to kill each other in mind, body, and spirit.
We do it with the greatest intentions. In the name of country, and in the name of God.
Good, nice people, you think.
Hypocrites, the messiah calls you. Me.
If you only knew yourself.
If you only knew me.
You would not have hurt me.

"Este pueblo no se ahoga con marullos." We do not drown in the waves.

Burdened

Today's moment for meditation from Columbia St. Mary's:

A professor was giving a lecture on stress management. He raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?" After many answers, he replied, "It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it is okay. If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance. It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later we will not be able to carry on. They will become so heavy. What we have to do is put the glass down and rest for a while before picking it up again so that we are refreshed. Whatever burdens you have on your shoulders right now, put them down for a moment if you can. Pick them up again when you have rested.

Is there truth to this meditation? Yes. I think this is about our inner lives, how I create suffering for myself as I hold onto what needs to be let go, released to the earth to be taken into Creation and reborn into new life.

But it is also a privilege to be able to put down your burdens for a while. The question I keep asking myself is: what about those who are not allowed to forget? People of color are never allowed to forget about racism. People who are poor are never allowed to forget about poverty. People with diabilities are never allowed to forget ableism. In these cases it is a function of privilege to be able to rest for a while.

An ally is willing to think about racism and white supremacy as much as people of color have to. An ally is willing to think about poverty as much as people in poverty have to. An ally doesn't take breaks because the oppressed can't.

But can the oppressed put down their burdens too? I think sometimes, in the right environment. We glimpse into what it feels like to breathe and realize we haven't been breathing.

How can I breathe, be who I am, when there is racism all around me?
How do I be a genuine ally to those whose oppression suffocates?
When am I the oppressor?

Nancy Northshore

That is the term my boss used for the rich white people in Milwaukee who live on the north end of Lake Michigan. Those Nancy Northshores who are also pregnant go to Childbirth class with me on Monday nights. I've been to 4 two-hour classes so far, but what I am finding most interesting is what is not said out loud in class.

There are several things that have become ridiculously clear to me in this class. The first is that none of these women have ever been in any real pain before (physical or otherwise), and so the thought of labor is terrifying. The second is that they want control over what is happening in their bodies and their own fear so the way they seek control (and are taught to get control) is by intellectual domination.

The first item is a symptom of a white supremist western society in the US but especially in Milwaukee that gives unearned privileged to white people just because they are white. Just one result of that is that these women don't know how to cope with pain. That can be true of other people in other populations as well, but I think it is especially true for these women.

The second is also a symptom of a white supremist western society based on Eurocentric values that favors rational intelligence over body intelligence. The body becomes something we must overcome intellectually by learning about it and understanding it, as if we are floating heads over dragging bodies. When we understand in our minds what our bodies do, then we have some sort of control over them. This domination of the intellect over the body is one of the reasons the Vatican cites against contraception, maintaining at least officially the stance that human beings are spirits incarnate, a being of body-mind-spirit so intertwined that we cannot separate one aspect from the other. But I digress.

Okay, so how does this happen in childbirth class? Well, I think the two key lessons in class can be summed up pretty quickly: 1. Every pregnancy/labor and delivery is different. 2. Your body already knows how to do this and will do it.

This seems great so far, but then the rest of the class series is all about creating a birth plan, practicing poses, understanding what hormones do what, etc. And some of it is good to know in case of emergencies, of course. But most of the time in class we literally pound our brains over what our body already knows how to do just so that we are comfortable with our body doing it. Then we create a flexible plan so that we feel in control again, because we would rather have our intellect in control than our bodies.

Wow, what good is that? What if we taught body intelligence instead and learned to trust our bodies? Or found a balance between useful brain knowledge and even more useful body knowledge? So how do you teach body intelligence? I've sat still in too many classrooms to know, but I think I know who to ask.

I guess I'll get back to you on that.


race angst.

Liberation

I won't be able to describe what has been going on in my life recently. This is simple fact. As St. Therese said, some things lose their fragrance when opened up to the air. I also don't think I have the words yet to understand my own experience and am still deeply processing. Suffice it to say, my energy has shifted, made unmistakable by the subsequent headaches such a shift has caused. In better words, shit has gone down and I've changed and deepened in a way I did not know was possible.

This started last weekend when I went to this thing called "EmergentSee" which was an anti-racism workshop (but so much more than that). These people hit hard and they hit hard right away. This was no Racism 101, no clean presentation, no child's talk. None of the lies we teach children about happy Natives eating turkey with white men. This was the real grime, the real history, the real stories and struggles of people right next to me. And my own. It was the real anger. It was the real pain, passed on from generation to generation.

It gave me a sacred space I have never known before. Never. In all my years of CLC, LMU, volunteering, whatever. Never had I been in a space where I was seen so fully and deeply. Never. This is a whole new level of truth.

How liberating. And how frightening.

I know this makes no sense to most of you. That's okay.


Everyone who has ever known me, you don't know me anymore.
Amendment: This does not include family. =)

Moment for Meditation

At Columbia St. Mary's where I work, there is a phone number to call if you want a "Moment for Meditation." I thought I would share today's reflections:

May today there be peace within you.
May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be today.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and in others.
May you use the gifts that you have recieved and then pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself with just the way you are.

Let this knowledge settle into your soul and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, work, play, praise, and love your God every day of your life.
Because it is there for each and every one of us.
Blessings upon your day and your life.

what if.

Canticle of Creation- St. Francis

A quick drawing I did of the Canticle of Creation-- People here like it too much. I'll try to do something much better.

One above all other, most powerful, utterly good God, 

All the praise glory, honor and blessing belong to you before anyone else.

They are yours alone, we are not good enough to even speak your name. 

May all your creation and its creatures praise you.

First and foremost, Brother Sun, 

Who brings the day, and who you created to shine light on life. 

He is beautiful and radiant in all his splendor.

His majesty points to you. 

Sister Moon too, shouts your name,

And the stars of the whole universe as you formed them, 

shining clear and precious and beautiful. 

In Brother Wind blows the sound of your name,

Through the air, stormy and still, 

And every kind of weather, which feeds and waters the land,

Sustaining the tapestry of the life you created. 

Sister Water praises you too, 

Water, which is vital to life,

Simple and yet precious and pure.

Praise to you is heard in the roar of Brother Fire,

Through him you give light and warmth in the dark, cold night, 

He is entrancing, playful yet powerful, even dangerous.

Sister, Mother Earth, on whom life flourishes,

She who provides the rhythm of life and the sustenance we need,

Her rich colors, sweet flavors, and aromatic herbs, 

Paint a picture of your goodness. 

We lift our eyes to you,

Through the stories of those who suffer,

And endure pain who yet still love you,

Through the peace of those great people,

Who deserve your honor above the rest of us. 

Even in Sister Death, the death of our bodies, 

Which is inescapable for every single one of us,

We sing the greatness of your name. 

It is terrible to die in the grip of greed and selfish living

Yet those who die in the knowledge of your great love and purpose,

Even thought they too cannot escape the death of the body,

They will continue to live with you, they have nothing further to fear. 

We shout your name out loud, 

We thank you for all life, 

May we follow you and serve your purpose with the utmost humility. Amen. 

Original text in Umbrian dialect:

Altissimu, onnipotente bon Signore,
Tue so le laude, la gloria e l'honore et onne benedictione.

Ad Te solo, Altissimo, se konfano,
et nullu homo ène dignu te mentouare.

Laudato sie, mi Signore cum tucte le Tue creature,
spetialmente messor lo frate Sole,
lo qual è iorno, et allumini noi per lui.
Et ellu è bellu e radiante cum grande splendore:
de Te, Altissimo, porta significatione.

Laudato si, mi Signore, per sora Luna e le stelle:
in celu l'ài formate clarite et pretiose et belle.

Laudato si, mi Signore, per frate Uento
et per aere et nubilo et sereno et onne tempo,
per lo quale, a le Tue creature dài sustentamento.

Laudato si, mi Signore, per sor'Acqua,
la quale è multo utile et humile et pretiosa et casta.

Laudato si, mi Signore, per frate Focu,
per lo quale ennallumini la nocte:
ed ello è bello et iucundo et robustoso et forte.

Laudato si, mi Signore, per sora nostra matre Terra,
la quale ne sustenta et gouerna,
et produce diuersi fructi con coloriti fior et herba.

Laudato si, mi Signore, per quelli ke perdonano per lo Tuo amore
et sostengono infirmitate et tribulatione.

Beati quelli ke 'l sosterranno in pace,
ka da Te, Altissimo, sirano incoronati.

Laudato si mi Signore, per sora nostra Morte corporale,
da la quale nullu homo uiuente pò skappare:
guai a quelli ke morrano ne le peccata mortali;
beati quelli ke trouarà ne le Tue sanctissime uoluntati,
ka la morte secunda no 'l farrà male.

Laudate et benedicete mi Signore et rengratiate
e seruiteli cum grande humilitate.

If you are a criminal, invest in a tie.

The other day mi compañero Martin accidentally locked the keys of our CapCorps car inside the car. We had just attained the very old, beat up Ford Tempo the day previous, and thus just gotten the keys as well. Obviously. But, that also meant we hadn't separated the extra copy of the keys from each other-- they were on the same ring that all got locked in the car. Whoops.

So, in order to avoid paying a locksmith money that we don't have for a car that came with empty bottles, cans, and a bag of opened chips in the back, we asked the help of Messmer staff to get into the car. First, myself and Joe (Shelly's husband... Shelly is one of the co-directors of CapCorps) took a crowbar to the window and tried to get a wire hanger through. Unfortunately, we weren't able to get the hanger close enough to press the unlock button. Then came Messmer Maintenance staff, who had their own wire hanger tricks, and better ways to crack open the car with said crowbar. Eventually, they were successful, and had a good laugh at our expense once they realized that both copies of the keys had been locked in. I think the exact words were, "Oh what it is to be young, and STUPID."

That, however, is not the point of this entry. The car was parked outside our house, which is the old rectory to the church next to us and right next to Messmer Prep. It's not exactly a big street, but it is right in front of a school, there is a bar at the opposite corner too. And there we were, trying to break into a car. What bugged me about the whole thing was that everyone assumed it was our car, and that we had locked the keys in. In fact, a police car drove by at one point and didn't even stop to ask us anything.

At first, it was myself and Joe, white male who was wearing slacks and a tie. The Messmer dudes were also white men. Did the police not stop because the group was mostly white men? Or because Joe was wearing a tie?

You know that if we were a group of black men or latinos, there would have been so much more suspicion.

You might be thinking, well YEA, someone wearing a tie is probably not trying to steal a car. But why do you think that? And why is it more suspicious if it had been a group of black men? What's the difference? There is no difference! That no one was suspicious seems to me to be a great example of white privilege. At the very least, discrimination based on appearance, because we didn't "look" like criminals.

So, all those who are thinking of turning to a life of crime, I offer a bit of advice. I know you cannot change your race and thus the racism you will experience. But you can invest in a tie. Apparently that might be enough to evade suspicion. Maybe throw on a pair of glasses, look smart.


think about it.