this is not an adventure.

Many people have called this whole going-to-Peru thing with JVC an "adventure." In some ways, I guess it is (and I've got my new hiking boots as evidence), but I really don't think of my upcoming time in Peru as an adventure. At all. I think of it as a journey.

What's the difference? Great question.

Perhaps its just the intention.

I'm not going out there to discover some secret of the Andes mountains. I'm going for something deeper than an adventure. A simple adventure is not a good enough reason to leave my family and friends behind. But what I am going for, I can only tell you after I'm a little further on this journey.

I am also reminded by my yoga teacher that this is deep Karma yoga. The yoga of action.


"Lord, I'm not turning back.
All that I have I now give to you.
Ask me whatever;
I never want to betray you." 


-Carlo Maria Martini, SJ

saying goodbye

SUCKS.

I was talking to my dear friend, Heather Moline the other day (who is headed for Managua, Nicaragua on Dec. 4th), and she said something that sounded so simple. She said,


It is the worst feeling in the world to leave the people you love. 

There are several basic things that I believe in. I mean truly believe in. The sort of thing that you know is true, even when everything else around you falls apart. Those truths without which I could not even stand. One of those things is that I believe that we live in order to love each other. 

I guess I spent a lot of my time at Loyola Marymount University learning how to love. How to love and care for myself. How to let that love pour forth for others. How that love always comes from God. How to build relationships and community based on that love that is self-giving. How it becomes something we call service, though at its core its all about love. That we are called to love each other deeply and freely. Its a pretty good lesson to learn, and the kind of thing I'll be learning and relearning like new with every step of this journey.


So why am I leaving the people I love? This question has been in my blood ever since I got news of my departure date for Peru on November 9th. It's not just in my head as a thought, it's not just a recurring question. It is pumping through my veins. And its substance becomes heavier with each passing day as departure comes closer. Don't get me wrong, I am excited to go to Peru, to be a JV, for whatever growth God has in store for me. And I think it's right for me to go. But right now, in being present to where I am in Covina, CA, I'm feeling the funky, uncomfortable weight of goodbyes. How heavy they really are. It really is one of the worst feelings EVER. I'm constantly "funky monkey chunky," as my friend Lindy would say. I cry every so often. I've already had to say goodbye to some friends, and those goodbyes were incredibly awkward. =/  It seems so unnatural to leave the people I love. Why did I ever decide to do this?!

To be honest, it is pretty difficult for me to answer this question right now. I can tell I'm trying to defend myself against this current pain of goodbye, so my answer is skewed. I think I'm going to Peru to learn how to love better: more deeply, more freely. To be "ruined" as they say. To walk with others.  But that future love feels too theoretical, too hypothetical, too ideal in the face of the profound pain of saying goodbye to the people I already love. 

I guess this is all part of the experience. Jesus had to die (and we all know that really sucked) before he could be raised up again. But there is a price to pay for every good thing. This is part of the price I'm paying. I'm sorry for whatever pain this might be causing you too. I'm sorry for the times I will not be there for you when I otherwise could have been. But please know that I love you, deeply and freely.




I didn't leave Covina, CA until I departed for Peru. 

starting off...

A first post, like a first lesson plan, first meeting, etc., is obviously very important. It sets the tone, the ground rules, the purpose. In this case, the intention of this blog. Not going to lie, I'm a bit uncomfortable with the culture around blogging. The sense of urgency that you must know what I am doing, as if what I am doing should be on the forefront of your mind. That is not what I want out of this blog. Instead of telling you all about what I am doing, I want to tell you more about how I am being, what I am thinking. 

the wanderings of my inner landscape. 

I want this to be a place of sharing, a place of honesty. A sacred space of thought and reflection. Even a place of silence. At least that is what I hope. 

With that being said, I also owe you a bit of information. An update of sorts. By way of introduction. This is not what I expect most of my blog entries to be like, but here we go. 

What am I doing?! On November 9th very early in the morning, I will depart from LAX with two bags and a backpack for Peru to serve for two years as a Jesuit Volunteer. My placement is a unique one in Andahuaylillas, Peru, a small village in the Andes mountains which is about a 45 minute ride from Cusco. This is a new site for JVC to send volunteers, and so myself and the four other volunteers with whom I will live are "pioneers" of sorts. 

Actually, I will not make it to Andahuaylillas until early February. Since Andahuaylillas is a new placement site, there are no second-year JV's to receive us and help us through an in-country orientation and language training. For the first 3 months I'm in Peru, I will be in Tacna, which is the city where JVC has sent volunteers for years. We will be in a home stay with host families for a while (6-8 weeks?). In January, all of us will do Mes de Mision, a month-long service trip with the students at the schools in Tacna where JV's work. Then in early February, the Andahuaylillas volunteers will finally go to "Anda."

Wait, what am I doing?! As you can probably tell, there are a lot of details missing. That's okay, really.  I would be kidding myself if I pretended to know what this experience is going to be like. But I do know just a little more.

Work site: Right now it looks like I will be working at the parish in Andahuaylillas. Details are still being worked out, but there are opportunities in music ministry, sacramental preparation, after-school tutoring. Rural development projects, legal services, a library. Some of my fellow community-mates will be working at a school called Fe y Alegria, teaching english and working as Campus Ministers. It looks like there are possibilities for all of us to overlap too, working primarily in one location and helping out in the other. For me that means I will probably work at the parish and help out at the school when they need something. 

Who are the other volunteers? I'm going to live in a house in Anda with four other volunteers. Sam Hay, Mateo Pimentel, Mallory Naake, and I are all new volunteers. Cara Caponi is a current JV in Tacna who is opting for a third year and joining us once we get there. 

Okay, that is all for now. I leave you with a picture of the four newbies from orientation at Boston College (Left to right: Mateo, Me, Sam, Mallory). Pray for me, I will be praying for you too.