It may be that when we no longer know what to do we have come to our real work, and that when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey. ~ Wendell Berry Practice If I feel that I have come to the end of all I know today, I consider that I may actually be at a true beginning.

Okay, God. Okay.

I don't know where I am going. I stand on broken ground. Hollow heart, deflated lungs. This is not the way I wanted to turn. I don't know where to place my feet, where to rest my head.

This is what I know. We are all suffering. It's just that not all of us know it. Many people go through pretending they are not suffering. They waste away in front of screens, escape reality, choose to be numb. They are suffering. So am I.


"To everyone who has ever been kind to me, come with me. I need you now." (Maya Angelou)

The good news is I have begun the real journey. The good news is I don't know what I am doing. The good news is this is difficult. The good news is that it opens up the depths of me, however painful that might be.

And the good news is that I am not alone. There are people on the way, mariposas to guide me.



I love you too. 

home.

This is about the time of night that I feel a deep seated need to write. Especially on days like today. 


I spent the last two weeks in good old Covina, CA with family (and a few friends). I am on the brink of leaving again to go back to Milwaukee for the remainder of the CapCorps year, and I can't help but thinking, why?


It was two weeks full of beautiful people. Their names are Blanca, Carlos, Erika, Danny, Eddie, Picho, Ileana, Mauricio, David, Gabriel, Christina, Leo, Lupita, Alfredo, Marisa, Jonathan, Jose, Javier, and then LOTS of Annichiaricco and Arevalos, etc. (Gloria, Jose, Jose, Gianfranco, Valeria, Fito, Carmen, Chele, Tia Marina), (okay, gosh, there were about a hundred people at that party, so I'll stop and not name them all). 


Why go back? They asked. Don't you miss your family? Then why do you leave? You can work in East LA, there is plenty to do there. I didn't have a good answer and I didn't try to give one. 


I sang songs with my mother. I baked with my sister. Dressed up a couple times, prayed rosaries with family. Argued, laughed, made a big mess of my old room. Learned more about myself, remembered more about myself. Felt safe. and Loved. 


There was nothing cold about this place. It reached well into the 80's for the new year. Sleeveless, no sweater needed. My mother and I attempted to find winter boots and failed. The sky was beautiful. I could see Orion, las Tres Marias. Winter light in California is gorgeous, clear, warming. 


Five people, all on separate occasions, asked me why I would leave. There are plenty of people here who love you. 




I wonder if that is the real measure of home. 

Otra Canción

Navidad en Libertad
Carlos Mejia Godoy

Cuando desempaques tus regalos
niño de lujosa vencidad
piensa en tantos niños que no saben
para que es la Navidad
piensa en el chavalo limpiabotas
que su nochebuena pasara´
en una banqueta dura y fria
del atrio de Catedral

Feliz Navidad
feliz navidad
en justicia y libertad
feliz navidad
un mundo mejor
sin miseria ni opresión (bis)

Esa metralleta de juguete
que te trajo este año Santa Claus
es el aguinaldo cariñoso
que te manda el Tio Sam

hoy necesitamos mas escuelas
mas cultura mas educacion
son mas importantes cien maestros
que un blindado batallón

Feliz Navidad...

Tiene que llegar pronto ese dia
cuando no sea la Navidad
solo el privilegio de los ricos
sino de la humanidad

Que venga Venancio, Pedro y Mincho
la Maruca, Lencho y Pantaleón
vamos a cantar el villancico
de nuestra liberación

Feliz Navidad..

(Hablado)
Feliz libertad te deseo, pueblo Mio
Feliz libertad niño de Acahualinca y Miralagos
Feliz libertad niño mutilado de Viet Nam
Feliz libertad niño huérfano de Nagasaki
Feliz libertad negrito murruco del congo
A todos lo niños del tercer mundo
FELIZ LIBERTAD