feet. washed.

 Last Supper, a drawing I did combining my experience now and then. Excuse the scratchy scan.

When my home parish found out that I was suddenly back from Peru, they invited me to be one of the twelve to get their feet washed at our Holy Thursday mass.  I hesitated at first, knowing that this would be a great way for more people who I don't know but who might know my sister or my mom to come up to me and ask me all about what happened. And, yea, some of that happened. But,  I accepted anyways, and got my feet washed in front of the church on Holy Thursday.

In recent weeks I have been able to articulate to myself what my deepest desire is for myself, that desire which should color and lead me in my life. And that desire is to love and be a servant. To love deeply and freely, learn how to love, choose love. To not just do service, but to be a servant. It is something I've known for a while now, but it has been good to reconnect with it, to better understand it in the light of my circumstances, as I breathe my circumstances.

Getting your feet washed is a bit vulnerable, you know? First of all, you have to sit in front of the whole church and get watched by hundreds of people. Instinct tells you to look down, but I tried to look up at people instead. You have to expose your dirty feet (of course, no one's feet here are particularly dirty... I actually imagine the apostle's feet being more like the Peruvians in the Andes in their ojotas, hence the picture) and then you have to allow someone who is your leader to wash them for you. Peter's protest makes a lot of sense, I think. But, Jesus tells him, he must wash Peter's feet if he wants to be part of his Kingdom. Because that Kingdom comes only when we serve each other. We must be servants to one another.

Jesus was a servant. He healed people, included outcasts, shared with sinners. He loved. And he bent down and washed the dirty, stinky feet of his followers. It reminds me of when, in Andahuaylillas, Father Oscar did all the dishes at one of our birthday celebrations. Everyone stood around awkwardly uncomfortable with the priest doing the dirty work. But, he didn't let anyone take his job. He served. And Jesus told us to do the same. Wash people's feet. But don't just wash feet. Heal people. Include the outcast. Share with sinners. Break bread. Get down in the dirt and help those around you. Even and especially if you are the master and teacher. Serve! Be a servant.

And that, I think, is how sin is washed away. The symbolic washing of feet, washing away our sins. Jesus wasn't talking about an individual confession, I don't think. He was talking about the sin that is cleaned by service and justice. The sin of hunger. The sin of poverty. The sin of neglect. Washed away. Only by serving our brothers and sisters. By loving each other deeply and freely. That is what Jesus taught us.

That is what I want to do.



be opened in that vulnerability of love. and now go and love.