take, Lord, recieve.

The day I left Peru, a month ago, I woke up incredibly early for me. By that I mean I couldn't really sleep, given everything, and I got out of bed after drifting in and out of consciousness at around 6am to go on a walk. Impressive, considering how the medication I was on wiped me out most of the time, too. But I wanted to breathe in the landscape. I sat in the main square in Andahuaylillas, and I wrote.

I hadn't shared these thoughts with anyone (until now) because of fear, I think. But as Yann Martel writes in The Life of Pi, "only fear can defeat life." So, here are some of the last thoughts I had as a JV, straight from my journal. Disfruten. 


"I only had 4 months. I didn't know it. But during these 4 months, I filled a whole journal of experience. I breathed deeply. I laughed intensely. I wept horribly. I ate a LOT of good food. I planted seeds. I have been touched. I played the oldest organ in the Americas. I was in a rock band. I lived in the Andes. I saw the light of life that pours forth from the smiles of children. I fed the hungry. I fought in community. I felt judged. I judged too. I made two soul sisters. I have new brothers. And sisters too. I was called Profe. I was called Miss. I was called Chilean, Peruvian, tourista, extranjera, prima, hermana. I told my life story, twice. I bought carrots straight out of the ground. I was loved. And I tried to learn to love. And I tried to actually love. I saw the brightest rainbow I've ever seen in my life. I used a machete and a pick ax. I kicked rocks for a month. I made kids laugh in the comedor. I felt deeply. I feel deeply. I journeyed with very real people. And now I'm leaving. I only had 4 months. I didn't know it. I am blessed and broken. Poured out. The sacred promise. Take, Lord, recieve all my liberty, my memory, understanding, my entire will. Give me only your love and your grace. That's enough for me. Vuestro amor y gracia me basta."