To everyone who is worried about me

I've recently had a whole slew of people contact me in one way or another genuinely worried about how I am doing. Calls from friends, emails from acquaintances, that kind of thing. It's fascinating to me because I'm really doing fine, well even. Do I have a lot of stuff I'm working through? YES. Do I have a lot of healing to do and be? Definitely. Am I struggling with the oppression of white supremacy and racism? Of course. But I'm doing well. I've been through much worse. My capacity to hold myself, to hold my feelings lovingly and to be in the discomfort, and to stand in the fire and not shrink back has not been overwhelmed. Don't get me wrong, it's tough and I'm tired. But I'm good and I'm nowhere near giving up. I am blessed to have support, too. (Thank you, Marcia, Shelly, Yvette, James, Peggy, Tia, Ramsey and all the prayers that I know my mother sends my way)

What is really fascinating to me, though, is that people really started to worry about me when I started talking about white people. I can't know what is going on for each individual person, but I think there is a general trend happening here. Here's my shot at it.

People in this country are generally terrified of talking about racism, white people in particular, but for people of color too. For people of color it brings up trauma and it makes us uncomfortable because we have been taught to take care of white people. For white people I think it brings up white guilt for being an oppressor and a lot of confusion and fear (I'm sure its more complicated than that, though). Even the term 'white people' makes people uncomfortable because white people are hardly ever identified by their race. There are African Americans, Asian Americans, Latino Americans, Native Americans.... and Americans? Why don't we call them White Americans, or European Americans? Because white people are thought of as "normal' and "raceless" and by the same token everyone else is "abnormal. " Let the discomfort commence.

So I think part of what is happening is that people read my blog, feel uncomfortable for a variety of reasons, and then project that discomfort on me and think there is something wrong with me, or something overwhelming me. I've seen this happen before, and the last time it happened there were some severe consequences for me. So, to those of you who are worried about me, I offer you some questions to ask yourself to really dig deeply into what is going on in you when you read me write about white supremacy. Sit with the questions for a while. Feel where they manifest in your body. Hold them. Understand them. And be gentle but urgent with yourself.

What words make you uncomfortable? Why do those words make you uncomfortable?
What on my blog triggers you? Why does it trigger you? What feelings come up?
What are you resisting?
(White people) Do you feel guilty? Why do you feel guilty? What do you do with that guilt? How can you move away from acting out of guilt?
(People of Color) Do you feel a need to protect white people? Why? What's that about for you?
When do you talk about race? If you don't, why not? What is uncomfortable about it for you?
What is your experience with race in the United States? Where do you and your ancestors come from? In what ways have you benefited from systemic racism and/or in what ways have you suffered from it?

None of us chose what race to be born into. None of us. But ALL of us, Brown, Black, Red, Yellow and White, inherited the baggage of our race. And we ALL must choose to heal.



So come with me now.