I've begun a journey I will not be able to explain.
It started last Wednesday, Nov. 16th, the anniversary of my Mama Mia's death. I chose that day for a reason, to ask mi abuelita to be with me in the journey of healing. I went to the lake to talk to her, to talk to my God, and ask for guidance. Mandame las mariposas.
I've known I've needed deeper healing for a while now. Healing from betrayal, from loss, from discrimination, from white supremacy, from racism, from rejection, from macro and microaggressions, from my own debilitating privilege. Healing to integration, to vulnerability, to stand in my own truth, to live in my power. To be and let be.
I am letting you know that I am on this journey because I intend to spend so much time on my own healing that I wont have much space for other things. To spend so much time on my own growth and healing that I have no time to criticize others.
I've been thinking about it as disengaging from others, but I am realizing slowly that it is not disengaging at all, but rather re-engaging in a different way. It just looks much different that what I am used to community looking like, and I am okay with that. I must leave behind old ways of slavery and risk my identity, risk the world crumbling around me, risk healing, risk transformation.
Como las mariposas.
So if I don't answer your call, don't end up calling you back, only say hi and nothing else, walk away in the middle, fail to follow conventions, or seem to disappear, it's not you, it's me. I'm working on myself now.
En el capullo.
My heart, my soul, my love
ReplyDeletemy prayers are with you while you are in the capullo
Love always
Did you get a chance to read Hope for the Flowers when we were at orientation? It fits beautifully into this sentiment. Thanks for the reflection :)
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